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John Howard: The Conspiracy of Grey Men

Author: • Oct 7th, 2005 •

Category: Australia, features, pastiche, politics, sexual politics

by Andrés Vaccari

Ballardian: John Howard, the Conspiracy of Grey Men

The following is an excerpt from an official report prepared by Andrés Vaccari, on behalf of the JG Ballard Institute for the Study of Eroto-Responsive Kinetics, Canberra.

DISCLAIMER: The following photos have been modified by the patients referenced by this report. The JG Ballard Institute for the Study of Eroto-Responsive Kinetics, Canberra implies no endorsement of any kind whatsoever by their publication.

The Conspiracy of Grey Men

“The Grey Men,” Dr Travis explained, “play a pivotal role in these kinds of fantasies. The appearance of this archetype is contemporary with the dawn of large bureaucracies and the rise of pseudo-rational economic ideologies. The Grey Men share the ideal traits of bureaucrats, accountants, lawyers, businessmen and other exemplars of the human fauna spawned by industrial capitalism. They are emblems of efficiency and procedure, to whom people are abstract quantities, and society a series of equations of greed and demand. Their code words are ‘inevitability’, ‘invisibility’ and ‘profit’. Their language is a mixture of esoteric jargon and mathematical ephemera, with constant references to quasi-alchemical concepts like ‘The Invisible Hand’, the ‘Balance of Trade’ and ‘The Trickle-Down Effect’. It is not surprising, therefore, that we are witnessing a marked increase in these paranoid fantasies after the Liberal Party’s rise to power in 1996. It is not a coincidence either that patients are becoming fixated sexually on the figure of John Howard, the Australian Prime Minister – the living embodiment of Grey Man.”

The Mechanics of Inhumanity

During one of the studies, a series of photographs was presented to a group of schizophrenic patients, who were instructed to group them in a meaningful schema. This series included: 1) a diagram of a Watt steam engine; 2) Liberal Party figureheads; 3) the disfigured genitalia of anonymous car crash victims; 4) well-known environmental disasters; 5) Jeanette Howard, the Prime Ministers’ wife, eating at a corporate dinner; 6) queues at banks and Centrelink offices; 7) victims of police brutality; 8) Victorian ex-Premier Jeff Kennett’s hairstyle; 9) Iraqi refugees at Port Hedland Detention Centre.

Ballardian: John Howard, the Conspiracy of Grey Men

Sixty-five per cent of patients strongly associated the disfigured genitalia with various powerful figures in the Howard Government, a phenomenon doctors interpreted as expressing powerlessness – projected as psycho-sexual impairment – before a divisive and hermetic political regime. The Liberal Party figures were the objects of mutilation scenarios, and often the photos themselves were torn or cut. Also, forty-nine per cent of patients reported various elaborate, Sadean erotic fantasies. In these, they took submissive roles, often involving binding and genital disfigurement.

The Sleep of Reason

Dr Travis explained that the advent of discourses like “Scientific Management”, “Human Resource Management” and “Economic Rationalisation” had introduced a novel figure into the pantheon of modern psychosis. These prophets of efficiency and mechanism had become insistent iconic presences in the cosmologies of the deranged. Dr Travis said that the new millenium would bring nightmarish variations on these archetypes. He cited a recent US study, where patients in various states of terminal psychosis described terrifying meetings with cold female inquisitors, who would read out long strings of numbers, soliciting detailed information such as physical characteristics and financial assets.

These visitors, clad in neat, spotless grey suits, dictated intricate megalomanical theories that explained society through the workings of a cryptic “Economic Realm”, which they described as a land of milk and honey where the souls of workers and managers travelled after death, and which was ruled by a benevolent, all-seeing entity.

Ballardian: John Howard, the Conspiracy of Grey Men Assassination Fantasies

During one of the studies, long-term inmates were provided with Conceptual Assassination Kits, and the ensuing fantasy-elaboration process was monitored closely.

In 87 per cent of cases, the figure of Prime Minister John Howard emerged as a favourite target of assassination. Elaborate death schemes were put forth, many of which involved multiple automobile disasters and byzantine torture machinery. Twenty-one per cent of patients singled out Minister for the Environment Robert Hill as a preferred object of death, with the proposed methods of execution clearly echoing the present global devastation: death by toxic waste poisoning, melanoma and famine.

Ballardian: John Howard, the Conspiracy of Grey Men

Psychotherapists concluded that the Prime Minister’s lack of any vital human traits – such as compassion, imagination or sexuality – made him a favourite vessel for various paranoid projections and erotic decontextualisations. In a minority of cases, this perceived emptiness facilitated reconceptualisation of Howard as a robot or a computer-generated image.

John Howard’s Conceptual Pudenda

Shortly before his unexplained disappearance, Dr Travis outlined the results of his research in a manuscript presently in the possession of a Federal Police Task Force.

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23 Responses »

  1. you and subspecies are spawned under the toe nails of JH, washed down the sewer only to emerge putting such a waste of well fucked if i know! So go and get fucked you aresholes.

  2. Wow… honestly no prime minister/president is different. I agree with what angel says “So go and get fucked you aresholes.”

  3. […] What we’ve hinted at on Ballardian (ie JG Ballard’s Enlargement Phalloplasty; Why I Want to fuck John Howard), some people have ‘examined’ (ooh, e […]

  4. ill shoot him for free you supply the rifle!

  5. Serious: I can give you some tips on how to put together a conceptual assassination “artist kit” … 😉 .. have you got a packet of crayons laying about? .. if not a felt tip pen does a good job too .. you will need to find some Johnny Howard photoes (plenty in the news paper) … go nuts .. is guaranteed to relieve the stress .. paper cutout collaging works well too .. be creative ..

  6. Whatever but the picture with cumshot really humilating!! who did this ?

  7. This is interesting as I was part of a similar study. Turned out the doctor took away my crayons and defaced the pictures of Howard and Bush himself. My doctor feels much better now.

  8. LOL

  9. He is a horrible Prime Minister of Australia he is trying! to convince voters he is a green person he has no green bone in his body

    From a 12 year old child who is very concerned with global worming and objects to any of John Howards LIES!!!!! sorry to the people who think he is doing a good job but your very mistaken and JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE RULES this WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  10. what the fuck is wrong with you!!!!!? you think that JH is doing something wrong?
    he is doing a good job and JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE is a fucking singer!!!! what the fuck is wrong with you try reading the Australian government.and see how hard it is you stupid bitch!!! stop being a dumb person. and i hate that bloody cumshot photo whoever who drew that is the gayest guy in the whole entire world. so don’t say anything against JH he has build up the strongest government in a decade!!!

    this was written by a 12 year old girl.

  11. girls suck

  12. :(leave johnny howard alone. he is cool. i feel sorry for the poor guy people bagging him and stuff.and whoever drew on them photos, the are pretty funny but seriously, get a life!

  13. hey i agree jh is a fukin dichead for skool i had to desighn the front of a news paper and the main story headline is jh gets hit by attomic bomb

    john howard i hope you read this site cause u are a piece of shit

    luv ya all

  14. your all dicks jonny is a mad dog

  15. your all dicks jonny is a mad dog

  16. this is the funniest thing I’ve read in weeks – and the comments to top it off. Priceless.

  17. “labor sux” well seeing as though john howar is liberal you people are idiots

  18. bazy that is what john howard is supposed to have written
    and you call other people idiots

  19. dude get a life, thought great pics


  20. at least hes not kevin rudd >.

  21. These comments have to be one massive joke. Please dear God.

  22. Lol, you crazy dudes, anyway have a great Christmas

  23. wth?
    you guys are thick.
    john howard is liberal..
    well since “labor sux”.
    you obviously like john howard.

    some advice.

    before you criticize someone,
    research them?
    otherwise its pointless.
    just like this page.

    and you.

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