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Why I Want to Fuck Donald TrumpAuthor: Ballardian • Mar 5th, 2016 •
Based on ‘Why I Want to Fuck Ronald Reagan’ by J.G. Ballard. Update: Peter at Unrealised Gains writes to say that in September 2015 he was the first to publish Ballard’s original story with “Trump” replacing “Reagan”. Although we were not aware of Peter’s post at the time, we acknowledge his prescience in divining the Ballardian implications of a looming Trump presidency six months before we did.
The following is excerpted from the Official Republican 2016 Presidential Survey, conducted by the National Republican Congressional Committee, PO Box 2837, Washington D.C. 20013.
DONALD TRUMP AND THE CONCEPTUAL AUTO-DISASTER
Numerous studies have been conducted upon patients in terminal paresis (G.P.I.), placing Trump in a series of simulated auto-crashes, e.g. multiple pile-ups, head-on collisions, motorcade attacks (fantasies of Presidential assassinations remained a continuing preoccupation, subjects showing a marked polymorphic fixation on windshields and rear trunk assemblies). Powerful erotic fantasies of an anal-sadistic character surrounded the image of the Presidential contender. Subjects were required to construct the optimum auto-disaster victim by placing a replica of Trump’s head on the unretouched photographs of crash fatalities. In 82 percent of cases massive rear-end collisions were selected with a preference for expressed faecal matter and rectal haemorrhages. Further tests were conducted to define the optimum model-year. These indicate that a three-year model lapse with child victims provide the maximum audience excitation (confirmed by manufacturers’ studies of the optimum auto-disaster). It is hoped to construct a rectal modulus of Trump and the auto-disaster of maximized audience arousal.
Motion picture studies of Donald Trump reveal characteristic patterns of facial tonus and musculature associated with homo-erotic behaviour. The continuing tension of buccal sphincters and the recessive tongue role tally with earlier studies of facial rigidity (cf., Adolf Hitler, Nixon). Slow-motion cine-films of campaign speeches exercised a marked erotic effect upon an audience of spastic children. Even with mature adults the verbal material was found to have minimal effect, as demonstrated by substitution of an edited tape giving diametrically opposed opinions. Parallel films of rectal images revealed a sharp upsurge in anti-Semitic and concentration camp fantasies.
INCIDENCES OF ORGASMS IN FANTASIES OF SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH DONALD TRUMP
Patients were provided with assembly kit photographs of sexual partners during intercourse. In each case Trump’s face was superimposed upon the original partner. Vaginal intercourse with ‘Trump’ proved uniformly disappointing, producing orgasm in 2 percent of subjects. Axillary, buccal, navel, aural and orbital modes produced proximal erections. The preferred mode of entry overwhelmingly proved to be the rectal. After a preliminary course in anatomy it was found that caecum and transverse colon also provided excellent sites for excitation. In an extreme 12 percent of cases, the simulated anus of post-colostomy surgery generated spontaneous orgasm in 98 percent of penetrations. Multiple-track cine-films were constructed of ‘Trump’ in intercourse during (a) campaign speeches, (b) rear-end auto-collisions with one- and three-year-old model changes, (c) with rear-exhaust assemblies, (d) with ISIS child-atrocity victims.
SEXUAL FANTASIES IN CONNECTION WITH DONALD TRUMP
The genitalia of the Presidential contender exercised a continuing fascination. A series of imaginary genitalia were constructed using (a) the mouth-parts of Hilary Clinton, (b) a Cadillac rear-exhaust vent, (c) the assembly kit prepuce of President Obama, (d) a child-victim of sexual assault. In 89 percent of cases, the constructed genitalia generated a high incidence of self-induced orgasm. Tests indicate the masturbatory nature of the Presidential contender’s posture. Dolls consisting of plastic models of Trump’s alternate genitalia were found to have a disturbing effect on deprived children.
Studies were conducted on the marked fascination exercised by the Presidential contender’s hairstyle. 65 percent of male subjects made positive connections between the hairstyle and their own pubic hair. A series of optimum hairstyles were constructed.
THE CONCEPTUAL ROLE OF TRUMP
Fragments of Trump’s cinetized postures were used in the construction of model psychodramas in which the Trump-figure played the role of husband, doctor, insurance salesman, marriage counsellor, etc. The failure of these roles to express any meaning reveals the non-functional character of Trump. Trump’s success therefore indicates society’s periodic need to re-conceptualize its political leaders. Trump thus appears as a series of posture concepts, basic equations which re-formulate the roles of aggression and anality.
The profound anality of the Presidential contender may be expected to dominate the United States in the coming years. By contrast the late J.F. Kennedy remained the prototype of the oral object, usually conceived in pre-pubertal terms. In further studies sadistic psychopaths were given the task of devising sex fantasies involving Trump. Results confirm the probability of Presidential figures being perceived primarily in genital terms; the face of L. B. Johnson is clearly genital in significant appearance – the nasal prepuce, scrotal jaw, etc. Faces were seen as either circumcized (JFK, Khrushchev) or uncircumcized (LBJ, Adenauer). In assembly kit tests Trump’s face was uniformly perceived as a penile erection. Patients were encouraged to devise the optimum sex-death of Donald Trump.
Based on ‘Why I Want to Fuck Ronald Reagan’ by J.G. Ballard.
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