Ballardian

This site’s pastiche section has always been one of our most controversial. Some readers see it as an affront to Ballard himself, but no doubt these wet blankets are devotees of theorist Fredric Jameson, the man who described pastiche in the postmodern age as “blank parody…devoid of laughter” — a dead impulse to endlessly recycle historical styles at the expense of inventing new forms.

But let’s turf the cultural baggage. We’re not talking insipid Wicker Man remakes or pointless shot-by-shot Psycho reconstructions, here. We’re talking pastiche spliced with incongruous elements, a new art form, nothing less than the mighty mash up, bastard pop culture that’s way more sexy than any theory. Yes, pastiche — if you’re not Britney Spears, or the White Stripes — can be a devilish way to pay tribute to your heroes.

And so we have it: BALLARDIAN’S FIRST-EVER COMPETITION.

THE PREMISE
We know that as a struggling writer, J.G. Ballard originally moved to Shepperton to be near the famous movie studios, in the hope he’d be able to snare some scriptwriting work. Now picture a parallel world where Jim Ballard achieved that goal, becoming so successful that he relocated to Hollywood, where he became much in demand.

THE TASK
Write an imaginary 500-word extract from an imagined novelisation of Starsky and Hutch (either the original TV series or the recent movie)…as written by J.G. Ballard.

THE PRIZE
A copy of Ballard’s new novel, Kingdom Come, supplied by the kind people at Harper Collins.

THE SPECIFICS
Send your entries via this form. The deadline is November 23, 2006. Your pastiche can be homage, satire, ‘blank parody’, etc — no limits.

THE JUDGE
Lyle Hopwood, the reigning JGB Pastiche Champion. Lyle, of course, was the winner of Interzone magazine’s 1993 competition for “the best short extract from an imaginary novelization of the science-fiction movie Alien as it might have been written by leading British novelist J.G. Ballard”.

To help you on your way, we’ve reproduced Lyle’s winning story in — what else — the pastiche section. Sorry, Fredric.

THE CLUES
1) In his 2005 feature on CSI, Ballard wrote: “Television crime series…were filled with their huge carapaces, swerving in and out of alleys, reversing in a howl of burning rubber. Watched with the sound down, episodes of Starsky and Hutch resembled instructional films on valet parking”.

2) In his interview with this site Iain Sinclair declares, “Ballard’s a very easy writer to pastiche badly. I think he’s there with someone like Graham Greene as a stylist. There used to be a New Statesman competition to parody Greene’s style, and Greene came second when he entered”.

Many thanks to David Pringle, Lyle Hopwood and Interzone for the inspiration for this contest.